Words that Raise People

An EVP at a tech company I work with stopped mid-meeting, looked directly at one of her senior managers, and — without hurrying, without softening it into small talk — said:

“Your instinct for the hard question saved this project. I want you to know I see that in you, and I appreciate the head and heart that you bring to our team.”

The mood of the room turned. The CEO sitting next to me looked up attentively.

What filled that pause was attention. The kind attention a room gives when something meaningful has just been said out loud.

If you’ve read my Insights essays over time, you know I’m a bit of a word nerd.

The word “appreciate” comes from the Latin appretiare. At its heart it means to set a value on something; to cause it to rise in value.

Held in that light the word goes beyond a recognition of thanks or acknowledgment. To appreciate is to raise.

Psychologists have a name for what happens in moments like the real story above: the Pygmalion effect. When someone names something vital in you — your persistence, your precision, the particular way you ask the question that needs asking — you go beyond hearing it, you start to inhabit it. You carry the words, and slowly, almost without noticing, you begin to live up to them.

The research on the Pygmalion effect is rich and can be simply summarized: what a leader genuinely believes about their people and actively communicates shapes what those people become.

Perhaps a more surprising finding is what happens to everyone watching.

When people in the room notice when someone else is truly seen, they are measurably more likely to recognize someone else in the same way within the week.

Noticing authentic appreciation through specific and intentional language is contagious.

Which means when you do this, you’re doing at least two things at once. You’re raising one person. And you’re teaching and encouraging a room full of people that this is how we appreciate each other here.

In many indigenous traditions, elders held a specific role: to name the gifts they saw in the young. To make visible what was already there but hadn’t yet been named, claimed, and celebrated.

Think back to your youth. I suspect you can trace similar gifts of naming that one of your coaches, teachers, parents, or other elders gifted you with to help you become who you are today. We all need, at some point, someone to say it before we can claim our own gifts and fully own them.

That same truth travels with us into every room we inhabit together. People need to be witnessed to become more fully themselves, even if they’re thriving in their careers.

Gallup will tell you the engagement numbers. Recognized employees are four times more engaged. The data is unambiguous. But I think you already know that this isn’t just about engagement, although it’s a nice byproduct.

It’s about what it feels like to be truly seen by someone who chose to stop and authentically and meaningfully say so.

So say it directly. Say it when they’re in the room and when they’re away from it. Write it down in a handwritten note. Be specific enough that they know you actually paid attention.

Do it often enough that it stops feeling like an occasion. Every time you do, someone rises a little.

If a rising tide lifts all boats, this is one way to raise the tide for your team.

If you want a more trusting team, a culture of belonging or a magnetic brand that attracts more of the right customers, I can help. If you'd like to explore if working together makes sense, drop me a line.

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